I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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