someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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