I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
