I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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