why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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