I accidentally had phone sex last night
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Randomize
