There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
