It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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