How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
