and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize