i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
