fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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