He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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