Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
