Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
My cat gives me a boner
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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