office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
