so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
