So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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