I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
