bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
