I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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