Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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