i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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