Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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