I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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