Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
