this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i drank out of a bidet.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
