If i come over, it means nothing
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
