i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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