I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
