Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
