I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
