I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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