come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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