11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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