Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
