I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Randomize
