You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
