sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
