My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
