if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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