I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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