Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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