she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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