The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
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You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
It's blow job season.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
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my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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