did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
