I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize