My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
