dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
