I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
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Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
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Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
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