these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize