It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
