that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
