I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
