She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
