so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
We had to coat check the pizza.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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