Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
