just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
