that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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