nutella sex= disaster
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
