dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
