Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
